Whatever the disability or chronic illness - gaslighting will be something you have to endure. A discussion on how and why gaslighting happens, how to cope with losing friends & finding your tribe.
Snaps, claps and empathetic tribe-member here. You've neatly described what every caregiver goes through, too - I hope you don't mind me extending your reflections to include carers here. We're given solutions/advice /suggestions/ 'have-you-tried this' thoughts all the time. It's rationalised by saying 'they mean well' - I get that but fielding everyone's opinion is exhausting! Using our limited/no energy to explain why it won't work/that it's been tried before feels like a non-stop job! So, I agree it's important to set boundaries early. The good supporters, friends & family are the ones who meld into your routine AS IT IS; they ask how we want things done or say, 'I don't know or understand, so you tell me what you need.'
The trouble is that a lot of people gaslight, think they know a 'better way', or want to be the one with a 'hero' idea that 'saves' you, perhaps so they can tell others what a good deed they did. These folks just can't sit in the difficult discomfort / challenging times with us because it's too uncomfortable.
100% to all of this. I’ve been disabled my whole life but I never knew what gaslighting was or how much it applied in my life until the last few years. Thanks for writing about such an important topic. Wish it wasn’t something any of us had to deal with but at least knowing about it, having some tools to help deal with it and knowing we’re not alone can help.
Snaps, claps and empathetic tribe-member here. You've neatly described what every caregiver goes through, too - I hope you don't mind me extending your reflections to include carers here. We're given solutions/advice /suggestions/ 'have-you-tried this' thoughts all the time. It's rationalised by saying 'they mean well' - I get that but fielding everyone's opinion is exhausting! Using our limited/no energy to explain why it won't work/that it's been tried before feels like a non-stop job! So, I agree it's important to set boundaries early. The good supporters, friends & family are the ones who meld into your routine AS IT IS; they ask how we want things done or say, 'I don't know or understand, so you tell me what you need.'
The trouble is that a lot of people gaslight, think they know a 'better way', or want to be the one with a 'hero' idea that 'saves' you, perhaps so they can tell others what a good deed they did. These folks just can't sit in the difficult discomfort / challenging times with us because it's too uncomfortable.
So, lots of resonance, hugs, and I hear you!
100% to all of this. I’ve been disabled my whole life but I never knew what gaslighting was or how much it applied in my life until the last few years. Thanks for writing about such an important topic. Wish it wasn’t something any of us had to deal with but at least knowing about it, having some tools to help deal with it and knowing we’re not alone can help.